Tag: unworthy

Smoke in the Kitchen

Posted on by pastorunity

God sees past our failures to hearts that He loves.

Earlier in the afternoon, my amazingly gifted wife Laurie successfully defended her doctoral dissertation and was recognized, for the very first time, by her board chair as Dr. McCracken. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, who confirmed this personally, my love language is gift-giving, which supplements one of my favorite hobbies, cooking. So, off to the local Fresh Market I went, hand-selecting the two finest specimens of filet mignon, fresh asparagus, and the largest potatoes I could find. That night I did everything right, got the filets to room temperature, dry brined each steak, reverse-seared the meat by starting them in the oven at a lower temperature, and then finishing on a cast-iron skillet. With both ovens employed, and two stovetops active, I owned that kitchen like Guy Fieri until it was time to butter the potatoes for that crisp skin, then I turned into Julia Child! In my head, my wife would soon be cutting into her medium steak, steam rising from the tender pink filet, and she would smile and say, “this is even better than Ruth’s Chris Restaurant, thank you.” That vision went up with the smoke coming from the skillet when our vent failed to work, resulting from a previous kitchen fire. The garlic basil butter I added increased the amount of smoke, and with no vent in the kitchen, I literally could not see the steaks. Blowing profusely, I thrust a thermometer into one of the steaks and was shocked the temperature was only 130, not the desired 160, so I kept flipping and counting and checking, even using another thermometer in case the first was faulty. Going with my gut, I pulled the skillet off the stove and placed it on the island cutting board, and waited for the smoke to clear. Once I could see the steaks, I moaned; they were no longer steaks but charred disks of burned cow meat; both thermometers were broken! Smoke alarm going off in the living room, I had the back deck door, and garage doors opened, fans on, as I made my way with plates of disgrace to be presented on the table. Looking at my wife, I apologized and bowed my head as she prayed for our meal. “Father,” she started, “please be with Tom and help him to realize that the time he spent preparing this meal means more to me than anything else” after she had finished praying, she lifted her head and reassured me, “it’s ok, I love you.” 

I am confident that whoever you are, there have been times when your final product looked, or tasted, nothing like you envisioned or dreamed. Perhaps even as you evaluate your life recently, you might confess who you are is not who you dreamed you would be. It may be that you don’t think you’re making that much of a difference for God, that you’re not doing, investing, going, or serving as much or as often as you had planned. Or that what you’ve done for God isn’t’ as great as others that seem to be accomplishing some fantastic things for the kingdom, making steaks while you serve charred patties. But, don’t you think that God sees your motivations, your efforts, over your own perceived quality of a final product? 

After Peter denied Jesus, he started to believe the devil’s lies, that he was no longer usable and that God could not, would not, forgive or love him ever again. Peter thought that his life as a disciple was over since the last meal he made Jesus was a scorched steak, I digress. Nevertheless, Peter did feel the effects of having his grandiose visions of loyalty to Jesus depart when he failed, so he gave up and went back to fishing. Yet early one morning, while out in the boat with his friends, a figure appeared on the shore and called to them; it was Jesus. Peter didn’t even wait to turn the boat around and paddle in; he lept off and swam as hard as he could! What did he find? Jesus was making him breakfast. It was at this time that Jesus reminded Peter that his calling and usability were still in force with the statement, “feed my sheep.” (John 21:17). Jesus was more concerned with the process, not the final product; Jesus understood that Peter was not perfect, he would make mistakes, and that was ok. 

My wife saw my heart, even through the smoke in the kitchen, and appreciated the love that motivated me to cook a meal for her, even more than the taste. God sees past our flaws, mistakes, baggage, scars, and imperfections, He sees our heart, and as long as you desire to please Him, you can be assured, even when you feel you’ve failed, He is saying, “it’s ok, I love you.”

Scripture: I Samuel 16:7b, “For the LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” (ESV) 

Question: Have you ever felt inadequate, unworthy, or as if what you offer God is not good enough?

Prayer: Father, there are so many times I feel so unworthy and inadequate, times when I don’t feel what I bring, is making a difference or matters. There are days when I have good intentions but not enough time and great ideas that seem to come up short. Please help me remember that you are not after perfection; you just want me to love you, and sometimes that is messy, chaotic, disorganized, and not pretty. Thank you for your patience and for seeing past the smoke of my imperfect life into my very heart. May I not be so focused on the final product that I fail to enjoy your love during the preparation. Thank you for your patience, grace, care and for making me feel special. I love you. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen

Eyes of Love

Posted on by pastorunity

Very rarely does love reach down, grab you, and shake you to the core.

Photo by Viktoria Shalimova on Pexels.com

Very rarely does love reach down, grab you, and shake you to the core. When those moments come, we must be willing to recognize and embrace them. Else we risk standing on the other side of love carrying bags of regret wondering, “what if.” 

Growing up, I had heard of the love that God had for us all; that He sent His Only Son to die and rise for us.  I’d driven by the church buildings constructed to celebrate that love and changed the channels when television evangelists asked for more money to spread that love. But I had never had that life-changing, earth-shattering love from heaven overwhelm me like others. The truth is that I had too many excuses for God’s love to take the next exit; as if my life were that dilapidated town unworthy of a tourist visit or even a pitstop. Those excuses quickly turned into the stones I used to construct a wall that would hinder anyone from ever getting close enough to love me.

Apparently, I had left some cracks in that wall because someone snuck in, unannounced, unplanned for, and unexpected, yet there she stood, my heart in her hand, and there it remains almost thirty years later. It was this same girl that introduced me to God and His love.

Now let me do something that should not be done in writing, breaking chronological order. But we will be back; let’s just take a step away to another story before we wrap things up.

There stood Laurie and me in a pet store in Massachusetts, we were about to start our lives together, and I felt it necessary to buy a dog. Laurie on the other hand thought it a bad idea and had so many reasons or excuses why dog ownership shouldn’t happen. The apartment we were in did not permit pets, we were in the military and they could station us somewhere that may not allow animals, we couldn’t afford anything with four legs and breathing, and the list of excuses went on and on. Sure, they were valid and reasonable, yet I was determined. So, while Laurie was on the other side of the store, I quietly asked the manager to let me hold the little Yorkshire Terrier that Laurie had been eyeing. Dog in hand, I walked up behind Laurie, tapped her on the shoulder, and when she turned around, I placed that dog in her arms. As soon as she looked into that dogs’ eyes, Laurie let out a sigh, and an hour later, we went home with Adidas and a monthly dog payment! What happened to all of the excuses? They went away when Laurie looked into the eyes of love.

That pet store experience is the best way to describe what happened to me and my relationship with God. I had excuses, and they were valid and reasonable; I was damaged goods, unwanted, unworthy, rebellious; an angry young man that was unlovable. And there I sat in my unlovable misery in the back row of a church one Sunday, just to satisfy Laurie, waiting for the final “amen” so I could slip out and get back home. And then it happened. I don’t remember the sermon or song selection; I just remember the preacher presenting Christ in such a way that all I could do is look into the eyes of love. Every excuse went out the window when I considered how much Jesus Christ loved me.

Friend, perhaps you can relate to this story in that you have never allowed the love of God to overtake you because your past flaws have overwhelmed you. Maybe you have listened to the voices around you so long that you have believed yourself to be unlovable. Or, perhaps you have allowed the love of God into your life, but you struggle with believing that He forgives you, cares about you, or still wants to be with you. Why not take some time tonight to look into the Eyes of Love.

Scripture: “Jesus looked at him and loved him” -Mark 10:21 NIV

Question: Have you cleared a path for love to enter your life, or have you constructed a wall designed to keep it out?

Prayer: Father, please help me remember that your eyes of love never lose focus, that you long for me to gaze into your eyes of love and surrender. Help me understand that your love does not come with strings, nor do you love a future better version of me; you just love. May I open the door to that love into my life and allow it to disrupt and change everything. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for having patience with me. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray, amen.

The Difference Between Doing Good and Being Good

Posted on by pastorunity

You can never be good enough, but you can be enough

Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

Like many people, I grew up in an environment of works-based relationships, which led to years of being disillusioned, dissatisfied, and dysfunctional. I was frustrated and hopeless. When I was four years old, my dad had an affair that ultimately led to my parents getting divorced. Although I did not have the maturity to articulate my feelings, I can tell you that I believed I was at fault. I thought that perhaps if I were a better kid, my dad would not have walked out of my life to start another family.

A few years later, my mom started dating a new man. The first time her boyfriend came over to meet me, I rushed to the door, hugged his legs, and asked, “Are you going to be my new daddy?” From that point on, I was determined to do everything in my power to please him, to work so hard that he would never have a reason to leave me as my biological dad did.

Eventually, my mom married this man, and I quickly discovered that he was the smartest, strongest, and most talented man in my world. The bar was set high in this works-based relationship! My new dad was a third-degree black belt in taekwondo, so I decided to earn his love by taking karate lessons. Unfortunately, I was the clumsiest kid in the world—the one who often fell putting on his pants and occasionally fell going up the stairs! During one karate lesson, I attempted to do a roundhouse kick that I had seen in a movie, only to face-plant on the mat in front of all my classmates. I was so embarrassed that I quit studying karate.

My stepdad was also an Eagle Scout, so I joined the Cub Scouts and decided to work my way through to achieve the same rank. After a few months, our Cubmaster called my parents for a meeting to discuss my poor behavior. That put an end to my Scouting career.

My stepdad was also a bicycle racer—at one point, he was sponsored by 7-Eleven. One day, I visited his bike workshop and asked if he would train me. At my first race, as I waited with the group for the horn to blow, I proudly looked to the sidelines to see my mom and stepdad cheering me on. I think I made it one mile into the five-mile race before I pulled off to the side of the road and leaned my bike against a tree, struggling to catch my breath. I will never forget that old Chevrolet Chevet pulling over, my stepdad loading my bike on the rack, and the three of us driving home in complete silence as I sat in the back seat, defeated once again.

Since my stepdad held a master’s degree from Penn State University in acoustical consulting, my last effort was to excel academically. No matter how hard I tried, report card after report card came home with consistent D’s and the occasional C; always met with groundings and reprimands. After a fifth-grade parent-teacher conference confirmed to me that I was worthless, I gave up on that path as well. I realized I could never work hard enough to win my stepdad’s approval, acceptance, or applause.

Things didn’t get any better. Over the years, counselors lamented that I would never amount to anything. Teachers reviewed my work and declared that I was no good. Adults discounted me as worthless, and other children shunned me as damaged goods. In a world where doing good was rewarded, my trophy shelf remained empty.

I wasted many years of my life trying to do good to please those around me: my parents, family, counselors, teachers, bosses, and friends. All of these folks came at me from different directions and perspectives, their well-intentioned voices echoing the same sentiment: “Tom, do good!” And for many years, I felt like a failure for not living up to that expectation. I never dreamed that one day I could be good.

That day came when I was 21 years old in the back of the church in Massachusetts. I don’t remember anything about the pastor’s sermon that day, but I do remember, almost audibly, God saying, “Come as you are. I love you right now. I will never walk out of your life. Surrender to my love, and you will find that acceptance, approval, and applause you have been searching for all your life.” Nothing could have kept me from being the first to the altar that day, where I repented of my sins and finally found out what true love was. It was that day that I discovered that our relationship with God is also works-based; the only difference is that Jesus has done all of the works for us. And, now with God in us, it’s not so much about doing good because we are empowered to be good. That is the power of love!

Check out http://www.beingthebelieving.com for my new book!

Scripture: “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” -Matthew 5:17 ESV

Prayer: Father, there are times that I still struggle to simply embrace your love and tines when I feel like I need to prove my love to you through my works. Please help me see that there is nothing I can do to cause you to love me any less, and there is nothing I can do to cause you to love me anymore. Father, today I just want to relax, let go, bask in your love, and breath.